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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome several challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband walked away, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her friends vanished at that point, as they were only interested in him. This surprised her. She made greater energy to be my friend, probably understood more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several in her circle have disappeared leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, although she was highly competent, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each retired leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I start subjects but she shifts them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She has been arranging a vacation abroad I know well on several occasions even called home for a while. My intention was to offer personal experiences, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially just desired me to confirm her decisions. I recently come back from four weeks there and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she can comprehend the effect of her actions on my confidence. At this point, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out demands strength and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. There should be no argument about this. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Step three involves requesting how the two of you can shift the interaction between you."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, meaning you must to stay open to acknowledge it. One effective method involves stating to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's wildly successful for promoting mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they're unable to release because their very survival is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route here, just dead ends. However, she might initially present defensively and then think about what you've said. And even if you don't achieve a fix, you'll have peace from having been truthful.